A Successful Relationship = Chemistry + Timing + 2 Dedicated Teammates
The Navy Seal guy
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I went to a holiday party with my girlfriend. It was her college girlfriend’s party. It was cocktail dress so I wore a short brick red tank dress with some ruffles in the front. It was a good hair and makeup day. As soon as I walked in, I locked eyes with a tall guy with some gray hair. He was very good looking. My girlfriend and I were mingling with other guys and I noticed he kept staring at me. Before my girlfriend and I were about to leave, we asked the hostess about him. She said he was single, was an ex Navy Seal and now worked for the government in some top secret job. So she introduces us and we talked for awhile. His work just transferred him here from DC – so he is very new. Love it! We talked about my old job (I was an Intelligence Analyst for DEA and FBI), we both run long distances and play tennis, and how we both love DC. He kept smiling and telling me how happy he was to meet me. He asked for my number and texted me the next day. He asked me to go to dinner. We agreed on Friday and he asked if I wanted to go to Boulevard, Aqua, Slanted Door or Harris’. Ah – Boulevard, please! OK! He made the reservation and left me a voice mail to follow up. Nice! Boulevard for a first date – for those of you that don’t know this restaurant – it’s expensive, fancy, and not usually where guys take you on a first date. It’s special occasion kind of place. Oh well – maybe we will make it a special occassion! Stay tuned!!
The Young Cute Cabo Guy
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Cabo trip #2 – Time to go to Cabo again! Yippee! This year was not as story-worthy as last year’s trip, but it still was super fun! I went with a single girlfriend and we went for a week. This was in July – so yes, I was dating The Park and Rec Guy during this time. Shhhh! My girlfriend and I started hitting the clubs and bars towards the end of the week and on our first night out at Cabo Wabo I run into The Young Cute Cabo Guy. He is tall, athletic, very blonde, early 20’s and super cute. He lived in Virginia and was there for a wedding. He was an ex-stud baseball player who hurt his shoulder and couldn’t play anymore. Sad story since he was on the path to play in pros. We had so much fun, danced and then made out. I tried to pass his friend off to my girlfriend, but she wasn’t feeling it. But she was a good wingwoman – the 4 of us hung out til the wee hours and the Young Cute Cabo Guy and I made out several times. I didn’t see him the next night when my girlfriend met a new guy – and then she tried to pass his friend off to me. Ick – I wasn’t feeling it. But I made out with him anyway. On our last night out, my girlfriend wanted to hang with her cute guy so I left and went to find The Young Cute Cabo Guy. Found him at another bar and we hung out and danced and made out again – til the wee hours. I was leaving the next morning so we exchanged emails. I emailed him when I got back to say hello. He emailed back and told me he was coming to San Francisco over Labor Day weekend and it would be nice if we got together. A month later when The Park and Rec guy and I broke up, I emailed The Young Cute Cabo Guy and he told me he was still planning on coming. So Labor Day approaches – and I am single and ready to go out! I actually don’t hear from The Young Cute Cabo guy and I think he is already in San Francisco. Oh well! He had a pretty full itinerary anyway. Well it was a warm night – so I put on a cute little wrap dress and head to my local, meat market bar to get some male attention. I walk in the front door – and there is The Young Cute Cabo Guy! At my local bar. Uh, hello?! He is with his friend who he was visiting and he looked so cute in his preppy pink polo. What are the chances that his friend takes him to my local and favorite bar – at that exact time I walked in?! He was so surprised to see me and so apologetic that he didn’t touch base with me before he left Virginia, but I didn’t care. I said hello, we talked for a bit, I said see you later, and I walked to the back to see my friends. And then I saw some cute guys I played in a volleyball league with there and talked to them. The Young Cute Cabo guy said later he went to the back of the bar to look for me but I was talking to a group of guys. Oops! The next day The Young Cute Cabo Guy called me and left me a nice message asking if I can still get together. I didn’t call him back. Not sure why – I figured I would let him visit with his friend and enjoy all the things they had planned. I just wanted to share this story because I think it’s cute, the Young Cabo Guy was probably like 23 or 24 years old (I was 35), he had no idea how old I was and we attempted to keep in touch. Love it! Thanks young Cute Cabo guy for just being young and cute, giving me 2 super fun nights on my Cabo Trip #2, and making the effort to keep in touch post vacation! You are so so cute!
Lessons Learned – when on vacation, get in vacation mode and make out with cute 20 year olds!
The Park and Rec Guy
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The same guy friend who invited me to Park City and who was San Diego guy’s roommate in college and I went out to an event hosted by the sports and recreational league we were involved with. We played volleyball, but tons of people who played a lot of the other sports were there too. My guy friend also played softball and his team was there. He introduced me to The Park and Rec Guy who was very nice and friendly. The Park and Rec Guy worked, yes – for a Park and Rec dept in a city nearby. He coordinated programs and activities for his department. A very noble job that sounds fun, but in San Francisco his salary must equal close to poverty level, no? Anyway, I find out he went to a high school nearby with some my college sorority sisters and with some guys I went to college with too – so we knew a ton of the same people. He is tall, very good looking, has an athletic build, has beautiful green eyes, and is so nice. So he asks me out and I say yes. The thing is this happened the week between my Park City trip and the next weekend – when San Diego Guy was coming. But since you shouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket, I gave Park and Rec Guy my number. We go out the next week – after I spent the weekend with San Diego guy. We met for sushi and I had a feeling he would be dressed super casual so I did the same. It was a simple, but fun night. An inexpensive dinner and a few beers after at a local bar. I was really attracted to him and I thought he would be great as a dinner/bar friend , but not as a boyfriend since he was a little too woods-y for me. So we said goodbye and all I could think about was The San Diego Guy. A week later we went out again to a nicer dinner and drinks at another local bar. Park and Rec Guy lived on my same street – but like 10 blocks away so we had the benefit of hanging out in my neighborhood or his. We had a great time again. On our third date we played tennis and grabbed a salad after. That was fun! He is very athletic, but now I am noticing he is not a guy who is into his wardrobe. He wore black socks and black sneakers to play tennis. And he is very raggedy looking. But he’s still really cute and funny – and I can tell he likes me, so I keep him around. Well during this time I think I am going to fly to San Diego to see San Diego guy after he gets back from Africa. And after my third date with Park and Rec Guy is when San Diego Guy he tells me he is not coming home because he met a girl there. So that day I text Park and Rec Guy and ask him if he wants to hang out that Friday night. He of course says yes and that Friday is when I turned Park and Rec Guy from a casual friend to more – I went home with him and we had sex. He was a perfect distraction to deal with my heart break from The San Diego guy and I was so attracted to Park and Rec Guy – so why not? What I didn’t think would happen was that Park and Rec Guy would turn into my sort of boyfriend. I started telling my friends and family about him and they would just look at me. “So he makes $10 an hr?” my girlfriend asked? “He’s a what – Park and Rec Guy?” another asked. My family was doubtful I would stay with him and that I would probably break his heart, but I was determined to try and date the simple, unassuming guy – he was so different than all the other guys I dated. Maybe I don’t need Coach purses, Tori Burch flats, or a nice car! Maybe my definition of a “successful” guy was wrong. Maybe Park and Rec Giy was successful because he is doing what he loves and what he has always wanted to do (yep – he majored in Park and Rec in college!). He successfully completed his goal of working as a Park and Rec Guy. I am going to try this! And I did…for 6 months! During this time, we would play tennis, go to lunch, dinner, drinks, shows, plays, take walks, cook dinner, watch movies, sports, socialize with friends, and have lots of sleepovers. He even took me away once – to go wine tasting. He asked me if I wanted to camp (was he joking?!) and when I said not really – he booked us in a Motel 6-ish kind of place. Which was fine – because we weren’t in the room all that much…right?! It was obvious his funds were low. He had a very old and junky car, his raggedy dress annoyed me, he was always more than happy to split the $40 dinners we went out for, and he lived with a roommate. Sigh – what was I doing?! He was such a happy and simple guy – can’t my feelings just be enough?! Why am I getting annoyed because he is lacking sufficient funds?! But I found something that balanced out my annoyance – the sex. Wow! Mind blowing, orgasm all the time sex. It was like he knew he couldn’t provide for me financially so he was an amazing and fantastic lover to make up for it. He was so in touch and confident with his body and self that it was all about me – all the time. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other – it was so sensual, passionate, and beautiful that I couldn’t get enough. We had sex all the time – many times a day. I was so spoiled and loving every minute of it. But I couldn’t help wish he was more a polished, mature, professional adult. He was like a big kid – who chewed with his mouth open, slurped his tea, had too long finger and toe nails, didn’t use grooming products and didn’t care how he dressed and how he was perceived. He was like a caveman and I knew I couldn’t stand for this any longer. So I decide to “fix” him and make him “better”. LOL! Poor Park and Rec Guy – he knew we were different. He knew he was simple, hiker, backroads guy and that he was dating a polished, semi high-maintenance Marina girl. So I start to “clean” him up. I gave him mani/pedis, bought him a teeth whitener kit and men’s grooming products, and took him shopping – and I paid for everything. I thought if I cleaned him up and made him look more polished – he would be…not sure exactly what I thought he would be – a changed man, maybe? Oh dear. What was I doing?! This was surely going to backfire I knew it. Well he did start to look better – his skin, nails, and clothes all looked more polished, but he was the same person underneath it all and I knew it. A few big things happened that I couldn’t ignore. First he came to my mother’s birthday dinner and met her and my brother. I asked him to bring flowers for my mom (for fear that he wouldn’t have thought to do that) but he was running late and decided to skip the flowers. Gasp! So he came empty handed to a) my mom’s birthday dinner and b) where he was meeting my mom for the first time. I apologized for him to my mom when he went to the bathroom. She just looked at me and shrugged and said no big deal. But it was a big deal – to me. We were at a fondue restaurant and Park and Rec Guy had never been to fondue – so he marveled all night how he cooked and dipped his food right there at the table. After dinner we got into his junky old car while my brother and mom watched us drive away. Later my brother said it was so hard watching me get into that horrible car – that he wished it was a little nicer since I am so put together and polished. The second thing was my college friend (the one who had the BBQ where I met The Loser Baseball Player at) and his wife invited me and Park and Rec Guy to dinner. My college friend wanted to meet him and him and his wife wanted to treat me since I occasionally babysat their daughter. So we all met at the restaurant after work. My college friend is in a suit, his wife and I are dressed nice and Park and Rec Guy is dressed in junky jeans, a wrinkled short sleeved button down shirt and “dressy sneakers”. Ugh. My college friend didn’t even give him the time of day at dinner and looked so disinterested. Conversation was awkward and I can tell my college friend was not going to give me his blessing. The next day I saw my college friend and he said “So, you got yourself another country bun-kin didn’t cha?” He said I already had one of these – my Ex-Husband and what was I doing with another one? That I deserved someone who was polished, well mannered, educated and more adult. I agreed with my college friend and knew I was going to have to end it soon with Park and Rec Guy. The third thing that happened was my Birthday arrived. He was going to be out of town on my Birthday but said he would take me to Tahoe the next weekend. I said I wanted to backpack or camp since he was such a pro and I hadn’t gone since I was with my Ex-Husband. He said ok and said he would plan the entire trip. As that weekend got closer, I realized he hadn’t planned anything. So I called my Uncle and asked if we could stay in his condo. I told Park and Rec guy I made arrangements and that we were staying at my Uncle’s – for free. Park and Rec Guy was nonetheless thrilled. On the drive up, I wanted him to drive so I could relax since it was a 3+ hour drive. On the freeway I notice we are going like 40 MPH. He is intimidated by my 1999 Volvo and is too nervous to drive it at a normal speed. So we pull over and I drive the entire way. That night we have sex and I cried afterwards. I knew this relationship was coming to an end and I was getting sad. He thought I was crying because I was so happy. Ugh this breakup is going suck. The next day we went hiking and swimming. It was awesome and so fun. That night I ask him to start the BBQ – and I see him outside reading the charcoal bag. He was looking for instructions on how to start the BBQ. I go outside and ask him if he needs help and he admits he has never started a BBQ before. Big big sigh. As I was making dinner inside I asked myself what he was bringing to my table in addition to amazing, hot sex, mind blowing orgasms and his strong feelings for me? Nothing else I sadly decided. The next day we went kayaking and laid out in the sun on my Uncle’s dock. He looked so hot in the sun and in his bathing suit that we opened up my Uncle’s boat (there was no way I was going to let him drive the boat – so it was just sitting there) and had sex on the floor of the boat under the boat cover. On our way home – I of course drove and I asked him if he got me a gift for my Birthday. He stammered, looked uncomfortable and said it was at his place and he wanted to give it to me this week. I was sad. I knew there was no gift, I knew his was who he was, I knew we were different, and I knew I need to end this. When we got back to SF, I dropped him at his place and said goodbye. I gave him an extra long hug and sadly watched him walk away. I didn’t talk to him at all that week. The next week I asked him if he could come over to talk. We agreed on a time and date and he never showed. The next morning I checked my email and there was one from him. I cried my eyes out when I read it and I was wondering if I made a mistake. So what we were different? So what he was a man-child, caveman? But I needed to be practical. This was for the best. Here is the email he wrote me: “Writing this has not been easy, so I just ask you to read this in its entirety and try to understand. So to start off, I want to say that you are the best girlfriend that I have ever had. Now, yes, I know, I have not had as many relationships as you have had, but regardless you have been the best (hands down). From the first night that I met you (who would have ever thought we would meet at that event?) to the first kiss that we shared (I still have not gotten over that one) to the heating lamp at the rooftop bar (that is why it was hot up there, right?) to the dinners with friends, to watching Dancing with the Stars, to our endless tennis games(I think that by next year you will be able to compete in the US Open) to wine tasting in Healdsburg(still not sure about all the different tasting wine) to you getting up at five in the morning (oops, let’s delete that one) to partying with our friends, to hanging out with you in Tahoe (strong paddler you are, kayaker woman) ……it has been a GREAT SUCCESS(as Borat would say). I wish that it could have gone on that way, but alas times change and so do we. And lately I feel that it has not been very fair to you, the things that we have been going through (I would like to think that this crying and arguing is not who we are) I understand that for relationships you need to go through these times. But it just seems that we are just having a tough time finding any kind of common ground. Like we both touched on before, we are just dissimilar people. At first I thought that we were just sort of diverse, but as we moved on I could see that in reality our differences were much greater then that. And this all has hurt you, which in turn has hurt me. Which makes it hard to carry on with. Hopefully you are able to see what I am trying to say. Cause in no way is this against you. I can not go on long enough about what a wonderful, special person you are!!! Your ability to know all these people (who obviously enjoy you) and keep in touch with them is something I can only envy. How you have been able to adjust to all the various life changes you have had to endure is also a testament to your incredible ability to modify (and dating me is living proof of that) Plus you are beautiful, thin, with great curves (life can not be that bad when you got all that going for you). It’s weird, cause when I have gotten up each morning I have heard this song by Incubus on the radio called “Oil and Water”. The song starts out with the guy saying that “you and I are like oil and water” and that they have been “dancing on a volcano” trying and crying to work things out.” But by the end of the song, he talks of them “lying and that they should just call it what it is….oil and water”. I hope you do not hate me, but I understand if you do. I wish that I could have told you this to your face, but writing this has been hard enough (I’m breaking down even as I write this) I feel lucky that I even got the chance to meet you, and that you even considered dating me. Hope you find whatever it is you are looking for. Be good to yourself.
PS Be sure to print this letter out and hang onto it. Let it be a reminder of the special person you are whenever you are feeling down.
Thank you Park and Rec Guy for coming into my life and showing me that life can be simple and beautiful. Thank you for slowing me down and showing me how to enjoy life more. Thank you for the some of the best sex I have ever had. I still think of you and our time together. I miss you.
Lessons Learned – You can’t change someone – didn’t I learn this lesson already?? I’m not materialistic and I don’t need big, expensive things, but I do want to have some nice things! And I want a polished and well mannered guy to compliment me.
The San Diego Guy
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I got invited to go on a ski trip to Park City with a group of friends in February 2007. My friends planned the entire trip and I just had to show up – love that! So we all fly out there on the same flight one Thursday night and one of my guy friend’s college roommate was already in Park City and picking us up from the airport. We had all been emailing about the trip for a month – so I knew the college roommate was from San Diego. We arrive and The San Diego Guy greets us – OMG, he’s really good looking! No one warned me he was so cute! Great! I just wanted to ski on this trip and relax – I didn’t want to hang out with a hot guy. He’s really tall – like 6’5”, balding with some light hair –he wears baseball caps a lot, blue eyes, nice athletic build, and just very All-American looking. So The San Diego Guy drives us to the house we rented for the weekend in Park City where we all talk and have some drinks before we go to bed. I am trying to act like super cool girl so I don’t look like I am staring at The San Diego Guy the entire night. The next morning we all get ready to hit the slopes and after we ski for a few hours, it is apparent that The San Diego Guy and I are new ski buddies. There were 3 others with us – 2 snowboarders who were a couple and another girl was a very beginner skier who ended up going off on her own to ski easier runs. The snowboarders/couple hung together and that left The San Diego Guy and I to hang out, ski hard, and get to know each other while we were on the ski lifts. It was so fun and I really liked him. He was a year older than me, was part of a big Irish Catholic family who all lived on the East Coast and he went to Boston College with my guy friend who invited me on the trip. He was a Project Manager in San Diego – well isn’t that a coincidence, I am also a Project Manager! So we figure out that we have similar personalities and characteristics. Now can I say I LOVE HIM? After skiing, we sat in the hot tub and then all went out to dinner and to the bars. I don’t want to make things awkward so I keep my distance and only flirt shamelessly when he got close. I think he likes me too? Not sure though – so I’m not making any moves just yet. The next day was the same plan – ski all day with the “group” (but not really since The San Diego Guy and I went off and did our own thing), hot tub after, and dinner and bars after that. Well during the day, The San Diego Guy and I got even closer and in the hot tub he was rubbing my feet and had my legs on his lap. Yes! And after dinner at the bar he was standing very close to me the entire time. Oh – need to mention this was our last night in Park City. It was only a 3 night trip. Coincidently, my college girlfriend and her husband were in Park City at the same time and they met us on the slopes and after at the bar on the last night. When they met The San Diego Guy, they looked at me and said – ok, hello – he’s totally your type and they told me to make the moves! I know, I said – I’m working on it! So at the end of night – back at the house, I decide to make a move. Why not? Last night + Hot Guy = Go For it! So I when everyone went to bed, I stayed up with him and we talked and watched a movie. He looked at me at like 1am and asked me if I was really interested in the movie or was I there for him. Um – him! He smiled and he kissed me. He was sleeping on the pull out sofa in the family room – so we decided I would join him for the night. We didn’t have sex – since our friends were in the other rooms, but we did have a “good time” in that sofa bed! The next morning before everyone woke up, I jumped out of the sofa bed and went upstairs into my own bed. I didn’t want our friends to know I slept in the same bed with The San Diego Guy. I figured they would find out later that were now into each other. The San Diego Guy drove us to the airport – his flight was later in the day and after I checked in, he picked me up outside and he drove us to a Denny’s down the street so him and I could have breakfast before we said goodbye. Can I say now I am so ready to move to San Diego?! JK! So we have a nice breakfast with great conversation and we kissed goodbye. Goodbye my new love! I get back home and we email all week. The next weekend is President’s Day wknd – a 3 day holiday weekend. I usually ski in Lake Tahoe that weekend – so I invite him to fly up and go with me. He says ok! AWESOME! I make all our arrangements for the weekend and he flies in the next Friday. I pick him up and we drive straight to Sacramento so we can stay at my college girlfriend’s house. She is gone with her family for the entire weekend so we had the whole house to ourselves. While we were in bed making out, we have sex. It’s pretty good – not amazing, but it is our first time together. We wake up the next morning and have sex again – ok, much better the 2nd time! We are really getting along and I am so happy. We drive to Lake Tahoe, ski at Squaw all day and have a blast together. We have a few beers after and then drive to a house that a guy I met that week in San Francisco is renting. He had a few extra empty beds in the loft area of this house and was charging us like $25 a night per bed. So we get there and see they are single beds – actually there are like 10 single beds in one large loft area. Kind of like an orphanage, but we are good – we wanted a cheap place to stay. So we got ready and went out to dinner – Sunnyside, my favorite. We stay out late – having fun and then return to the house after everyone has gone to bed, which was good since we didn’t know these people. We get into our single beds and say good night – no sex that night! The next morning we woke up and were up and out before everyone else woke up – again our plan. We went to breakfast and then went to Alpine to ski all day. Another super fun day! I’m not seeing any red flags and I really like this guy! At the end of the day, we drive back to Sacramento to stay at my girlfriend’s house again. This time she calls and tells me they are coming home that night. NO! Oh well – it is their house and it is huge – so it’s fine. They come home and meet The San Diego Guy. The kids love him and are jumping all over him – oh goodness, but he is good with it all. We all have dinner and wine, sit in the hot tub and then go to bed. We have sex again, but this time he is having “problems”…weird. He is not really getting “excited”. Is it me, I ask? No, he said – he has problems sometimes. Hmmm…ok? The next morning he is raring to go and eager to prove to me he’s not lacking in this department! And the sex this time was fantastic! Still pondering over his “problem” from the night before – was it me, was it really a problem?! Oh well. He is leaving today so now it’s time for him to go home. We say goodbye to my girlfriend and her family and I drive him to the airport. I am sad and it shows. He doesn’t look as sad or bummed, but I don’t dwell on that. He is going to Africa in the next few weeks for a Habitat for Humanity project. I suggest that I come down to San Diego when he gets back –in about a month. So before he leaves for Africa, he isn’t really keeping in touch. I notice and try to just frequently engage with him via email and IM. One night he says he isn’t a big fan of long distance relationships because they are a lot of work and they tend to fizzle. I agreed with him, but since I thought he was going to be my new future husband – I was trying to convince him that it’s not that hard (not sure he was convinced!). So I decide to be the thoughtful, giver that I am and send him a care package that included supplies he can take to Africa – a book, power bars, etc. I am so nice! He loved it! So I book my flight to see him in San Diego when he gets back and he leaves to go Africa for 3 weeks. He emails me after a week of being there and I am already wondering if he met a girl. Not sure why I thought this, but I did. Guess I thought if he was really into me, he would have emailed me sooner than a week. I am never needy, but I knew there was internet where he was and I just had a gut feeling. The 2nd week he emailed again. On the 3rd week he was supposed to come home, but he emailed me telling me he was going to extend his trip for 2 more weeks. That he befriended the group he was traveling with and they were all going to explore Africa together. OK – I really thought there was a girl now! He asked me if I could change my ticket to fly to San Diego to 2 weeks later. So I did. He was supposed to land the night before St. Patrick’s Day. So what do I do? Since he is a very proud Irish guy, I decide to send him ANOTHER care package for him to receive when he arrives home that included lots of different St. Patrick’s chach-key things. Well that week – close to the time he was supposed to be flying home, he emails me again. This time he finally tells me – yes, he did meet a girl on his trip. And they are going to stay together and travel around Africa some more. So he was emailing me to tell me 1) he wasn’t coming home anytime soon and 2) he really likes this girl – so he can’t see me anymore. WOW! Well, let me tell you I balled my eyes out when I read that. It was such a nice email, but what a blow! I really thought he was “the one”. Ugh! I wanted to share his emails b/c they were so nice and sincere…and very thorough! Here’s his first email – “As I write this, I am still in Namibia. I am sure this will confuse you because I should be on a plane by now if I am to be heading back to San Diego. Okay, I would rather do this in person or even over the phone as e-mail is a one-way form of communication and ultimately this is very unfair to you. By now, I am sure you figured out the intent of this e-mail and yes, I have met someone while in Africa. She is an American that was on the Habitat for Humanity trip. To give you details would be cruel but I need you to know that the feelings I have for her are real and I felt them immediately upon seeing her for the first time. As it turns out, the same happened for her. I tell you this not to hurt you but in the hopes that you will understand that I was not looking for anyone else and that this is not a fleeting dalliance. I am truly very sorry and feel extremely guilty for these events. I may be blowing this all out of proportion but I know that you deserve better than this and that I have let you down. Again I am truly sorry. We decided to stay in Africa for an additional 2 weeks. I will let you know when I have returned to San Diego, and if you would like, we can talk then” . My reply – “WOW! Now that’s some news! Thanks for letting me know! I really appreciate your sincerity in your email! You know – we were just getting to know each other – so you don’t have to feel guilty about anything! I am happy you met someone you really like – as any friend would be happy for you! Actually I am not surprised to hear this – I had a feeling there was a girl on your trip (girls have super powers and can “sense” things like this)! 
Oh – since you liked the “Africa care package” I sent you before your trip, I went shopping again and put together a little “St Patrick’s Day fun package” for you and had it delivered on the 16th (your original arrival date). I think your neighbor signed for it? Anyway -it will be there when you get home. It is no big deal – just a few little things. Don’t feel you have to call or email when you get home – if you want to feel free, but I am totally ok w/everything! I would like to be friends though – since I am so close w/our mutual friends and we all might be hanging out again at some point. I hope that works for you!? Well, have FUN in Africa! And again – thanks for the email! )”. Man – I’m so nice and breezy as I am BALLING MY EYES OUT! So then he REPLIES to my email – while he is in AFRICA still. So I got his reply to my reply a day later (guess the internet is readily available in Africa!) – “I appreciate… well everything. I am really so very sorry about letting you know this way. I truly was not intending or looking for this and throughout the trip, we were close friends who joked and laughed together, that is all. But when the prospect of leaving hit us both, we realized that there was more between us. I wanted to tell you via phone when I got back, but when we extended our trip again, I felt you should know immediately, regardless of the medium. I am so sorry that this happened because you deserve better and I am an ass for treating you this way. I appreciate your willingness to remain friends, but also feel that I do not deserve it”. Ok – enough already! Yes, you clearly are a really nice guy (who as I got to know him learned that he over analyzed and worried a lot – like me!) – I knew that and he feels really bad, great…but please just go off with your new girl and leave me to my crying. My girlfriends told me not to reply – but I did anyway. I told him that if things didn’t work out with the girl, to call me! I just couldn’t resist! My friends couldn’t help but joke about this one – “hope the girl falls off a cliff while they are hiking in Africa”, “I guess he was looking for an Angelina Jolie and you are just a Jennifer Aniston! “, and so on. Thank you San Diego Guy – I had 2 wonderful ski weekends with you and I am totally leaving the door open for you! I hope we meet again!
Lessons Learned – I initiated the 2nd ski week end together, I asked if I could visit him in San Diego, he wasn’t contacting me that much after the 2nd weekend. I made excuses for him – like he’s just not a phone person, he’s a worrier – doesn’t think long distance relationships can work. But I told myself I was going to prove him wrong. A guy friend asked me if he offered to pay for my flight to come see him after he got back from Africa. No, I said. Hmmm…was I expending all this energy for a guy that just wasn’t that into me?! Yes, I think I was! Good lesson to learn!
The Hot Cop
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Late Summer/Fall in 2006 I had just played tennis with my brother after work and decided to stop in my neighborhood burrito shop because I was starving. I was in workout clothes, sweaty and not looking my best. I was waiting off to the side for my super chicken burrito when 2 police officers walked in. One was tall, had dark hair and was handsome – I realized as he walked by me that it was The Hot Cop. OMG! I called out his name and he turned around. He knew who was, but didn’t say my name right away. Just in case he forgot my name – I reminded him what it was. He said, “Of course! How are you? Long time no see!” So quickly summarized my story – left in 2001, got married in 2002, divorced in 2005, and moved back here a few months ago. Told him where I had been working. He knew my college friend (same one mentioned in the Loser Baseball Player story) so I told him I was working with my college friend now. I had heard The Hot Cop got into some trouble at work a few years back so he filled me in on what happened. Hot Cop is one of these renegade, adventurous, action seeking cops that only wants to work at night in the really bad areas. I knew the conversation was ending since he had his burrito and his partner was patiently waiting so when he says it was great to see me and we should get together, I blurt out “Sure! Give me your phone number”. Huh? That means I will have to call him. Sigh – fine. I wasn’t exactly playing it cool. Guess it’s not that bad – I was sure we were going to get together! I loved Hot Cop. Oh that’s right – I need to tell you how I met him. This is a GOOD one! Christmas 1998 – yes 1998, I was 25 and working as an Analyst for the state narcotics law enforcement agency. I went with my co-workers (narcotics agents ) to a local work event/Christmas party one afternoon. It was a lunch/open bar for all the local narcotics agents in the area – from various different agencies. After I got my bearings and saw there weren’t many women at this party (not surprising since it was a narcotics association lunch with narcotics agents attending) I saw The Hot Cop. He was bartending. OMG – he was so dreamy! He was tall, with dark hair and so handsome! I just admired him from a far and stared the entire time. After the lunch, a lot of people went to a bar across the street. I was with my co-workers and in walks The Hot Cop! YES! I told my co-workers that I loved The Hot Cop and they of course being “big brother-like” went over and talked to him – to see if he was single, interested in me, etc. He came over and was a local – born and raised. He was currently working as a narcotics agent for a task force at the airport. Well, I had worked in narcotics for a couple of years now – so we had so much to talk about. We talked for hours and I invited him to my work Christmas party that night. He said he would come. I went home to change and met him there later that night. We hung out, mingled with my co-workers, and even went out after for a late night snack. I was in love! We had so much fun and at the end of the night we switched numbers. Since I was scheduled to fly to Florida to stay with my parents for Christmas, we said we would go out again after the holidays. I asked if he was working at the airport the day I was flying out and he said he had court that day and would probably not be there. So a few days later, I get dropped off at the airport by a co-worker and I find out that there was a big snowstorm in Dallas that morning – which never happens and that threw the airline system into a frenzy. So many flights were affected- including mine since I was supposed to have a lay over in Dallas. The airline tells me my flight is delayed 6 hours. Ugh! Do I go back home? Do I stay there? I decide to call the Hot Cop’s office. I didn’t want to call him since he said he was in court. So I called the main number for the narcotics agency and ask for their airport office- they transfer edme and a guy answered. I told him my name, where I worked, and name dropped a guy from my office that worked part-time at this airport office and Hot Cop’s name. I told him I had a 6 hour delay and could I hang out there? He said of course, told me where the office was located and described himself so I could find him. So with my luggage, I walked over to the office and the nice guy let me in. They told me The Hot Cop was at court, but that he just called in and would be back there soon. So I am hanging out with the guys there and after about half an hour, The Hot Cop walks in – wearing a suit. Yummy! He was so surprised to me and I told him about my long delay. He said “Great! Let’s get lunch”. So I said goodbye to my new friends, we take my luggage, and we go to his car. He said we could make lunch at his place. I said ok so he drove us to his place a few miles away. When we get there he gave me a tour and then turned me towards me and started passionately kissing me. Well then that led to tearing off clothes, which led to the hottest sex I had ever had. Don’t forget I was only 25 back then. Man he was so hot. So tall and just so good looking and so manly. Not like the other early twenty-somethings I had sex with before – this was a hardened man already. In an experienced move, while we were having sex, he picked me up mid air and wrapped my legs around him. WOW! Yes, I was awed by the entire experience! When it was finally over, we had lunch and then it was time for him to drive me back to the airport and for him to go back to work. Ok – is that the best delayed flight story ever?! So while I was away at my parents, I thought wouldn’t it just be a great story if that was all that happened? I figured he must be a player, he must get a ton of girls, he’s a hot cop – so I decided when I got back home that I wouldn’t call him. I didn’t want to be one of many and I didn’t want him to not call me. So I never called him. Why did I decide that again? Oh well – I am sure I made the right decision! Well, a year later I was out with my college friend and his friends who happen work with The Hot Cop. I asked his friends if they knew The Hot Cop. They laughed said they did and that he was on his way over to the bar we were at. OMG! He walks in and the friends are right there to tell him I was asking about him and then they pointed at me. He looks at me and stays on the other side of the bar. A little while later, I went to the bathroom and when I got out he was standing right there. He said, “Hi, long time no see”. I said “yes, how have you been?” He said “good, why didn’t you ever call, I had a lot of fun with you that day.” I said “I had my reasons – guess I thought it was a good decision at the time”. He laughed and said he didn’t agree, that he had liked me, but now we will never know. What?! Ugh – was I wrong about him? So we separated and before I left I stopped and asked him if he wanted t get together. He said sure and gave ME HIS number. Great – now I have to call him. Which I did and I asked if he wanted to hang only to hear him tell me he is really busy and he can’t. Ouch! Was he not interested or getting me back for not calling? I will never know! So fast forward 7 years to the burrito shop in 2006 and I just figured this was fate! I mean both of us meet here after all these years? And he looked as hot as ever. So the next day I told my college friend at work that I saw The Hot Cop at the burrito shop and that I was totally going to call him. My college friend said not to – that he was still a player and not a good guy. What?! No! He was older now. He bought a house and I heard from other mutual friends that he was looking to get serious and settle down! My college friend disagreed. Well, I called The Hot Cop anyway – he answered and we talked for awhile. He asked me to go out at the end of the week and I said yes! He said he would call me. Well – surprise…no call. Not at the end of that week – not ever. NO! I wanted to tell him – I just want to have sex again – and maybe 1 dinner! So never heard from him. A few months later, I ran into a mutual friend (who was also at that bar that night years before mentioned above) who told me The Hot Cop told him he saw me at the burrito shop and that after all these years and he was so excited to see me again. That he totally wanted to go out with me. So the mutual friend and I were surprised he never called. So I called him again – he answered and told me he was glad I called and he needed to call me back because he was working. He never called. OK…there’s nothing I can do here. I heard again from the same mutual friend that he and other mutual friends were so surprised he was blowing me off since every time they mentioned me he seemed ready to go out with me. But it was time for me to retreat and move on. I had my airport story – which is one of my all time favorites still to this day. I sometimes see The Hot Cop driving around in his patrol car and I just smile. Thank you Hot Cop for a fantastic story and one hot afternoon sex romp while I was waiting out my delayed flight!
Lessons Learned – Sometimes just leave people and their stories in the past. No need to re-enact them at a later time. Also, sometimes people don’t want to be mean. This was a typical bad boy who just didn’t want to bring a good girl into his bad boy life. Take it for what is and just be happy if you meet a hot guy and have a fun time!
The Loser Baseball Player
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One summer night in 2006, I was invited over to my college friend’s house for a BBQ. He lived down the street from me and his entire family all lived in their own circle of buildings. He was born and raised in one of the houses and then he and his brother bought the building next door and they both lived there with their wives and kids. I have known my friend from college since 1992 – we were like family. So he and his family were so happy I moved right down the street. So this was BBQ #1 of many to come. I get there and meet a lot of their city friends. Towards the end of the night, one guy catches my eye – the Loser Baseball Player. He was hot, funny, friendly, and was making his moves. He went to high school with my college friend and was then living in his childhood house in North Beach. He came over and sat next to me while my college friend was looking at us with a watchful eye – I saw it all. I knew what was happening – the Loser Baseball Player was making his moves and I decided to ignore my friend’s looks and go with it. Loser Baseball Player invited me to his local North Beach bar – where everybody knows him and I said ok. So we left the BBQ together – in front of everyone there. Not a bad thing – just means you have to explain what happened to them later. So we went to the bar and I see him downing several whisky drinks. He is so drunk and asks me if I wanted to go to his place. Man he is hot! He is tan, not super tall, but has a total baseball player look and body. And he knew he was hot. So I say ok and we walk 2 blocks to his house. It’s his parents’ house, but they moved away – so they gave it to him. It was a huge, 4 story house. Very nice! We talked for a bit and only made out. He didn’t even try to have sex – which is fine with me! I found out he played baseball in college and was a finance guy for years before recently quitting and getting a new job with his high school as an athletic fundraiser. I thought that was admirable that he wanted to simplify his life – but the real story was that he just didn’t want to work hard anymore. He seems really cool and we totally hit it off. The next morning we got up and agreed to get breakfast. So he got ready and then drove me to my place while I got ready and we walked to get some food. Then we went back to my place and watched a baseball game. He asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner later and I could do my laundry. Wow – more hanging out? I did need to do laundry. So I said ok – why not? He said we would get pizza and watch a movie. So he left to run some errands and texted me a few hours later canceling the plans. He said he forgot he already had dinner plans and he would call me later in the week. Oh I forgot to mention – that I worked with my college friend who had the BBQ. So the next day at work my friend asks me what happened with Loser Baseball Player. I said I like him, he’s nice. My friend was shocked – “really?!” he said. I said why? He said he’s a loser and then gave me background information to prove it. Well, I of course didn’t listen and proceeded to hang out with Loser Baseball Player. We never went on dates – we just partied and drank – mostly at his same local neighborhood bar. He was a mess – drank a ton and was just sloppy. But here I was drawn to him – maybe because he was just there for now, because he was hot, or because I’m Fixer Girl and I thought I could fix this one!? Who knows – but I kept making myself available. He would make dates with me and cancel and then he would say he was sorry. We had sex after a few weeks – it wasn’t good. How could it have been? He was a drunk loser. After a few months of this – I was over it when he turned on the charm. He started emailing, calling and texting and asked me to meet him out one night so I did. We went to his house, had sex and fell asleep. When I woke up, I saw a pair of girl’s earrings on the ground next to his bed. Ugh! What am I doing? I felt like the loser now. I got up to leave and he said he was sorry and that we should go to breakfast to talk. He got ready and then drove me to my place. He was going to go over to my college friend’s house while I was getting ready and then we were all going to get breakfast. I called my college friend when I was ready and he said Loser Baseball Player was there for like 5 minutes, and then he left to go to Sam’s in Tiburon to meet his friends. What?! Then my college friend reminded me he was a loser and asked when we were going to go eat. This was so not a surprise – just a typical case of me hoping a hot loser would change into a hot, nice guy. LOL! Bye Bye Loser Baseball Player! I did run into him a few times after that, but I just said hello and kept going. Thank you Loser Baseball Player for reminding me to listen to my friends when they warn me of losers and to remind myself that I am way above hanging out with a jerky loser!
Lessons Learned – Never sink so low and chase a loser around – no matter how hot he is! Someone like that won’t change, they are a mess, they will only hurt you and lower your self-esteem – something you never want a guy to do! You are better and smarter than that! Oh, and my college friend told me later he got fired from his job – at the high school. Loser!
The Disgruntled Pilot
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So after I got settled into my new apartment, I wanted to get out there and start dating. So for the first time ever, I created an online dating profile. This was all new to me and I was never a big fan of meeting strangers online that were too awkward to meet people in person, but I didn’t have a lot of friends to go out with so I figured this was a good idea to get back out there. I connected with The Disgruntled Pilot immediately and schedule a date to meet in person. Let me fill you in on his vitals – Pilot, lived in the East Bay, rode horses, liked country music, went to rodeos, played tennis, worked out, and was divorced. Could there have been someone else in the room who would have hit me on the head and asked if I wanted to go on a date with someone so similar to my Ex-Husband!? Well, since there wasn’t anyone there, I couldn’t listen to them and I went to go meet him. He was tall, balding, and not bad looking. We had a fun night and we made plans to go out again. He was a few years older than me and learned a lot of from his divorce. We had a lot in common (horses, divorced, tennis) and since I was returning to the city life from the country life, I didn’t feel like a city-girl just yet. So we dated for a few weeks and he always came to SF. It was great! I was having fun and he was familiar and comfortable. But man was he poopy! He was tired and grumpy a lot and blamed it on his tiring job. I asked why he was always so tired since all he did was sit in a plane all day? He snapped, “You try sitting in a small metal capsule and see how you feel”! OK – Thanks! Then he admitted he never really worked out anymore or played tennis. That his knee hurt from flying planes. He lied on is online profile – shocking!! So one Sunday about a month after The Disgruntled Pilot and I met, 2 of my best college girlfriends and their families all wanted to meet for brunch in SF. So I told him we were going to meet them. He wasn’t super excited, but said ok. Politically he was very liberal and I am more middle of the road, and he always wanted to discuss politics – but I never wanted to because he was always ready for a heated debate. Well, one of my college girlfriend’s husbands is very liberal – so I knew they would hit it off. Brunch was good. We visited and laughed with their kids. The Disgruntled Pilot and my girlfriend’s husband talked politics and The Disgruntled Pilot told him he wished I would talk politics with him. My friend’s husband told the Disgruntled Pilot that him and I have deep discussions all the time – which is true, but I was used to debating with him and enjoyed it. So Disgruntled Pilot gets upset with me in front of everyone and wants to know I won’t talk politics with him. Table is quiet – awkward! I made some excuses under my breath and thought that his guy was kind of a jerk. And he wasn’t all that nice to my friends and their kids. Like a Debbie Downer – but a guy. So as we are leaving, my 2 girlfriends pull me aside and say – “Uh hello – he talks, looks, and acts exactly like your Ex-Husband! What are you thinking?!” I thought about it, looked at the Disgruntled Pilot and realized they were right. Ugh! What was I thinking?! They were both tall, balding country guys, who hated their jobs and lives and were pissy to others. Ok – shake it off, break up with him, and start living the SF city girl life! So after they left, I told the Disgruntled Pilot that was too similar to my Ex-Husband and I couldn’t see him anyone. Poor guy! It’s not his fault they were so much alike. So he was super disappointed and said goodbye. I took my online profile down and decided not to do that again! Thank you Disgruntled Pilot for nothing really!
Lessons Learned – Love and listen to your girlfriends! Thank you ladies! xoxo
The Young Sex-Crazed Neighbor
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In June 2006, I moved into a great 1 bedroom apartment in the Marina. I liked to work out early – before work and I typically left my apartment around 5:45am. A guy on my floor also left at that time to go to work. I assumed that his work hours plus the suit meant he worked in Finance. It was so early and dark and kind of a weird time to have a conversation so we usually just said hello. But he was really tall and he really good looking – so I kept hoping I would see him at a normal time soon. Well soon after I moved in I did see him one afternoon in the lobby and we introduced ourselves. He was very good looking and very tall – but after we started talking, I realized he was young. Like really young. I had to ask him – he proudly said he was 23. Whhaaaat? Wow! That’s so young! He just graduated from college and was working at one of the top financial institutions – very impressive. So we said goodbye and about 30 minutes later he was knocking on my door. He asked if he could come in. I said sure and he sat on my couch and started watching ESPN. He asked if I ever wanted to hang out – I said like work out together – no he said since we don’t do the same work outs. I didn’t really want to go to dinners or bars with him since I didn’t think we had much to talk about – he didn’t really like talking about his work. Then he looked right at me and asked if we could just be sex buddies. OMG! This is one confident 23 year old. Guess it helps when you are like 6’7”, good looking, played both football and basketball in college, and you work in Finance. While the proposition was flattering, I really didn’t want to start having sex with my 23 year old neighbor! So I was very non committal and said I didn’t think that was a good idea…but then trailed off as I didn’t really want to discuss this topic for very long. Well, he came over, sat next to me and starts kissing me. OK! No – we are not having sex, but thanks for the make out! I told him it was getting late and I would see him another time. So he left and I told myself I would move my workout time to later from now on – to 6am so I would not have to run into him in the mornings. Awkward! Well – Young Sex-Crazed Neighbor wasn’t going to give up so easily. He started knocking on my door at all hours of the day/night hoping to catch me. I unknowingly gave him my cell phone number when we first met – so he called my cell all the time, too. I didn’t answer my phone or my door. A month later, he saw me in the building and asked if I wanted to go out to sushi with him. I said ok because I do love sushi. So we went out and drank sake bombs and ate sushi. I wanted to have the fling – I wanted to want to have sex with him, but I wasn’t drawn to him at all. He was a zero on the hotness scale – you could see he just wanted to have sex with anyone. I didn’t think it would be hot and I was very turned off at the thoughts of sleeping with him. He wasn’t fun to talk to and he was so awkward and gawky. Poor guy. I felt like I was talking to a 13 year old. So after dinner, I said good night and he started kissing me again. Ugh! Then he hands started moving all over my body. OMG! I pushed him away and told him I was going into my apartment – alone! He was not happy and after that he kept calling and knocking at random hours and I never answered him. This continued for years until he finally moved out. He left SF to go back to school to get his MBA. I was so relieved, but what’s funny is that he still texts me to this day! I will get a text every 6 months or so simply asking me “What up?” Well, he is still young. After he moved out, I ran into a girlfriend who I heard got a new job at his finance company. I asked her if she knew him and she made a face and said he asked her to have sex with him right after she got hired. LOL! He was asking all the girls he was meeting! Poor guy – I hope he found some takers! Thank you Young Sex-Crazed Neighbor for asking a girl who was 10 years older than you to be your “sex buddy” – it makes a great story to re-tell!
Lesson Learned – it’s so easy to just have sex with anyone. I personally like to only save it for when I am in love or when the guy is uber hot!
Hot Cabo Guy
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Cabo trip #1 – I finally get a job in San Francisco and I start in June 2006. So in May I grab a single girlfriend and head to Cabo San Lucas! Oh and while I am there I buy a timeshare! Yes – I did! I used some money from my divorce settlement to pay for it in full. I figured since my Ex-Husband never took me on vacation – I would pre-pay for a Mexico vacation every year for the rest of my life! And that totally justified the purchase! So my girlfriend and I had the Cabo adult spring break experience. Why not? It’s so easy to do there- beach all day and dance and drink all night. Well my last night there we are at Cabo Wabo and I see the hottest guy ever. Our new Cabo friends coaxed me to go over and talk to him – so I did. He was from Southern California and he was just so so hot – tall, tan and enormous biceps! Wow! We hung out all night and bar hopped. He was with one friend who was super annoyed his friend was hanging with me and my girlfriend was dancing with a big group of guys. So finally his friend was over it and wanted to leave. So Hot Cabo Guy guy asked me to come home with him. Ah – no brainer – YES! So I was a super bad girlfriend and we all got into a cab and dropped my girlfriend off at our hotel and me, hot guy, and the whiny friend went back to their hotel. They snuck me in since Cabo hotel staff is so strict about non guests coming into the hotel in the wee hours of the morning. The hot guy’s friends were all already sleeping and the whiny friend calls it a night. Hot Cabo Guy and I go into the hot tub on the balcony – sans clothes. We totally made out and we were all over each other. Seriously – the visions are still so clear – that was one of the hottest nights of my life! He asked me what I did for work and I told him I was started a new job as a Project Manager for law firms and I think he thought I was a big city girl. He told me he was a Longshoreman and asked me if I knew what that was. I thought about it and said – you are a fisherman! Wrong! Oops! He said he unloaded and loaded freight onto ships at a dock in Long Beach. OK! Works for me! We decided to get out of the hot tub hours later and we laid on the lounge chairs with towels wrapped around us while we watched the sun come up. He then started moving slowly down my body and gave me the best oral sex I ever had! I exploded everywhere and he was so pleased with himself – I couldn’t talk, but I really wanted to ask him to be with me forever! I had to go since I was leaving to go home in a few hours – so I got dressed and he put me in a cab back to my hotel. He got my number and told me he would call me. I was like – please, please call me. I wanted more of this hunky, super hot Longshoreman! Well, he never called. We didn’t have sex, but wow! Thank you Hot Cabo Guy for one the hottest nights I have ever had in my life!
Lesson Learned – when you are vacation, go balls out. Have no fear, talk to anyone you think is hot, and have a fling!
